


You Don't Have to Worry About Me

by secretdreamerhere



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Matter of Life and Death, Purge Night (The Purge), Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretdreamerhere/pseuds/secretdreamerhere
Summary: Emma Swan is a self-professed screw-up who, despite being adopted as a teenager, still believes she has to face life alone. Killian Jones is a devilishly handsome bartender who, after experiencing much tragedy and heartbreak, is attempting to start life anew. They could be what the other needs, they just have to survive enough yearly Purge Nights to find out. (CS with Purge AU)
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan, Prince Charming | David Nolan/Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard
Comments: 1
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic that I'm posting on Archive of Our Own, however I do have some other OUAT CS fics on Fanfiction.Net if anyone is interested - I do plan on posting those on this platform as well at some point however I am unsure of how I want to do that so thought I would start with a brand new fic at first.
> 
> You don't need to have watched The Purge, or be a fan of the films, to read this fic as I am only using the premise of The Purge being a real annual event. Hope you enjoy reading this, and I love any feedback on my stories so please do leave a comment or a kudos!

Emma Swan was not the kind of person to go to people for help. She abhorred the idea of admitting when she was struggling, of leaning on other people and letting them see her scars. In her experience, that was just when people chose to leave. They would allow her to bear herself to them, would take all that she was including the darkest parts of her soul, and then they would leave. People always left, and it only made it hurt more when she had opened herself to them.

That was why she had left it so late to do this. She had tried to find a place on her own, had cut it too close to the wire for comfort.

Finally her fear, her need to survive, had overtaken her pride and she had pushed her little bug as hard as she could to get here on time. Before the dreaded klaxon sounds and she is stuck on the streets with madmen who have nothing to lose.

Emma thunders up the stairs of the apartment building, not wanting to risk getting in an elevator right now. Sweating and panting, she pounds her fist on her brother’s door praying that he hasn’t completed locking up for the night yet.

“Who the bloody hell is that?” The voice that is whispered behind the door is not her brother’s and Emma is ready to attempt to kick the door in until she hears her brother’s reply.

“I don’t know, but it hasn’t started yet. Maybe someone is looking for a place to stay safe.” That was so her brother, Emma thought. Forever the optimist, believing the best in people even in times like this. On days like this.

“Or a place to hide till the purge and then get their first kill in early.” Emma snorts at that. Whoever this guy is he’s definitely not a threat to her brother, he’s a realist. She then realises that she is still in a rush to get inside the safety of the apartment.

“Would it help if I said it’s the first one?” Emma called through the door. There was a silence that greeted her, the men obviously not thinking that they had been heard. “Also I don’t think I’m planning to kill my own brother.”

“Emma?” David calls out as the sound of locks unlocking, and latches unhooking begins. Emma winces, so he had started locking up. A few seconds later, the door swings open to reveal a relieved looking David.

“Hey, mind if I crash here?” Emma feigns nonchalance, as if it were just an average question asked on any other average day. By David’s raised eyebrow he is clearly not in the mood to play her game, so she just walks past him and into the apartment. And comes face-to-face with the owner of the other voice. Jesus Christ. He is probably the handsomest man she has ever laid eyes on, one of those ‘can’t believe an actual human looks like that’ kind of people. The kind she thought only existed in glossy celeb magazines or in movies. But clearly there was at least one exception, the very real man stood in front of her wearing a smirk as if he knows exactly what she is thinking. Pull yourself together. Emma forces her eyes away from his chest, the hair that is peeking through the obscene number of undone buttons on his shirt, and meets his gaze. “I’m Emma.” The man looked expectantly, as if waiting for her last name. “Swan. Emma Swan.” If the man knew her brother’s surname and therefore realised that they didn’t match, he didn’t give it away.

“Killian Jones, at your service milady.” Killian takes her outstretched hand but instead of shaking it, he brings it to his lips and lays a kiss to her skin. Who the hell is this guy?

“Do you know what time it is?!” David closes the last latch on the door with much more force than necessary, causing Emma to jump from where she was getting lost in a stranger’s perfect blue eyes.

“Yes, Dad.” Emma snaps as she turns to him.

“Don’t be sassy, Emma, not today. I am allowed to be tense. It is less than an hour until the purge and my little sister has been running around outside.” David’s arms are crossed over his chest and he is glaring down at her. This is another reason why Emma did not want to do this. David was only a few years older than her but always acted like her dad. It didn’t help that David never did anything wrong, whereas she was basically a screwup.

“And here I thought you’d be happy to see me!” Emma crossed her own arms now, matching David’s glare with one of her own.

“Of course I’m happy to see you!” David took a deep breath, letting his arms drop to his sides. “I just…I couldn’t handle it if anything were to happen to you.”

“I know.” Emma stepped forward to give her brother a hug, relaxing as his hand cupped the back of her head as it always had. She knew her brother worried, and she knew she had been reckless to leave it this late, but it didn’t mean she liked being called on it.

“What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were planning to lock in at your apartment.” David pulled back, his brow furrowing when he took in the bags under his sister’s eyes and her unwashed hair. “What’s happened?”

“Where’s Mar?” Emma turned her head in search of her sister-in-law. “I’d like to only say this once.”

“She’s…not here.” David walked over to the living area and sat down in his armchair. It took Emma a moment to figure out where Mary-Margaret might be.

“No…” Emma breathed out, watching her brother put his head in his hands.

“I’m afraid so, lass.” Killian spoke from where he was leaning against the kitchen island, a tumbler of rum in his hand.

“We’ve been lucky up until now, Emma, by the odds her name should have been picked years before now.” David raised his head, keeping his hands clasped tightly together.

“It’s not fair.” Emma felt awful for snapping at her brother when his wife was putting herself at risk like this.

“Sadly, it is. The hospital draws names every year, keeping the bare minimum staff to take care of the existing patients. It’s as fair as it can possibly be.” David muttered as he walked to the kitchen, getting himself a clean tumbler and a bottle of his favourite scotch. “At least her name will be kept out next year.”

“Can always count on your brother for a dose of optimism, love.” Killian chuckled lowly, taking a drink from his glass.

“Don’t I know it.” Emma slid herself onto a kitchen stool next to David, leaving Killian standing. “How do you know my brother anyway?”

“Well…um…you see…” Killian scratched behind his ear with his left hand, which Emma quickly identified as a prosthetic due to its rigid movements. He was clearly nervous and hesitant about answering her question, which only heightened Emma’s intrigue. However, before she could prod him further, David chimed in.

“Before we get into all of that, it’s back to my question. Why are you here?” David gave her a look which said there was no getting out of this.

“Alright, alright, but first I’m gonna need some of that.” Emma gestured at the dark liquid in Killian’s glass.

“Ah, a woman after my own heart I see.” Killian laughed as he poured her a generous portion of what she guessed was his own rum; seeing as neither her brother nor his wife touched the stuff. “Plenty more where that came from.” His wink, which would normally have put her off, actually set her at ease.

“What d’you wanna know?” Emma took a hefty gulp of the rum as she turned to her brother.

“Well I would like to know everything that has happened since I last saw you, but I’m guessing that a lot has happened in three years.” David was not at all subtle with his subtext. He thought that she stayed away too long. This Emma knew and had expected. What she didn’t expect was Killian’s reaction.

“You haven’t seen each other in three years?” Killian’s eyes darkened.

“I mean…I guess…but we Facetime and stuff.” Emma shrugged, feeling strangely like she was on trial right now.

“Not often enough for my liking, and half-an-hour Facetime sessions aren’t the same thing.” David repeated himself for like the hundredth time. But Emma barely heard him as she watched Killian refill his tumbler with rum before exiting down the hall towards the bedrooms.

“Is he ok?” Emma stared after the figure as he slammed the door to the guest bedroom.

“Probably wants to give us some space.” David answered too quickly, and Emma knew that there was more. However, she also knew that her brother wasn’t going to let this drop.

She went through three refills of rum during her story, choosing to focus on the burn of the alcohol over the burn of the tears fighting to be shed; she wouldn’t let them fall though. Emma didn’t cry. Not anymore. She spoke of how she’d lost her job due to them finding out that she was an ex-con – even though she had been a minor so the records should have been sealed – to how she became evicted from her apartment and forced out to live in her car. Emma did make it seem like this had just happened the other day, when it had actually been over six months since the bug became her permanent home.

“Emma, why didn’t you come to us?” David laid his hand over hers and rubbed his thumb soothingly across her skin. Emma shrugged, knowing that she had hurt him by keeping this from him. “We’re family.”

“I know we are, I just…” Emma couldn’t think of how to finish that sentence, so she chose instead to have a gulp of rum.

“Emma, some day, I hope you will realise that you’re not alone.” David spoke softly.

I hope so too. Emma thought, but didn’t have the courage to say.

“I better go check on Killian, it’s almost time.” David stood and walked down the hall towards the closed door that his friend was behind. Emma took a few seconds to collect herself, pushing the events behind walls where they belonged along with all the other shit that had happened in her life, before going to find the TV remote. She turned on the TV just as her brother and Killian came to join her. Killian kept his head low as he went for another drink of rum. Emma couldn’t judge with the amount she’d had tonight before it had even properly begun. She was about to ask for some herself when the countdown begins.

“This is not a test.  
This is your emergency broadcast system announcing the commencement of the Annual Purge sanctioned by the U.S. Government. Weapons of class 4 and lower have been authorized for use during the Purge. All other weapons are restricted. Government officials of ranking 10 have been granted immunity from the Purge and shall not be harmed. Commencing at the siren, any and all crime, including murder, will be legal for 12 continuous hours. Police, fire, and emergency medical services will be unavailable until tomorrow morning at 7 a.m., when The Purge concludes. Blessed be our New Founding Fathers and America, a nation reborn.  
May God be with you all.”

The klaxon then sounds, as obnoxiously loud and foreboding as ever. The apartment then falls to silence, as the whole country waits for the carnage to begin.

“Right, what should our first board game be?” David is the first to speak, switching the TV to mute but leaving the countdown up as is law. And as a police officer, the law must be followed – no matter how much David hates it.

“What mate? I don’t really think this is the time for playing games.” Killian’s eyes glisten with amusement. Now Emma gets it. Killian has a mask, much like her walls, and it is now firmly in place.

“It’s tradition.” Emma argues back, crouching down to go through the cupboard of games beside the TV.

“Ah, I see.” Killian nods, moving closer to get a peek at the games. “Well who I am to mess with tradition? And may I choose first, seeing as I am the guest?”

“Of course, mate, as long as you don’t choose…”

“Let’s play Monopoly!” Killian lights up when he sees the tattered game box at the very bottom of the pile.

“No!” David shouts.

“Yes!” Emma exclaims at the same time.

“Problem, Dave?” Killian chuckles as he sits on floor to help Emma set it up.

“He’s always hated Monopoly, says it goes on too long.” Emma laughs at David’s crestfallen expression. “But I really think it’s because he never wins.”

“Well we’ve got twelve hours to spend, so time isn’t really an issue.” Killian dishes out the money, not having to even glance at the rules to know how much of what notes to give everyone. He’s obviously a seasoned player. “Oh cheer up, Dave.”

“Yeah, cheer up Dave!” Emma laughs as she attempts to mimic Killian’s British accent and fails miserably. She holds up a little silver figure to her brother. “Here, you can be the car.”

“Fine.” David grumbles as he snatches up the car and dramatically throws himself on the floor. “But you only win because you somehow always get Boardwalk.” Emma and Killian burst into laughter at his childish pout.

#

Killian ends up buying both Boardwalk and Park Place, both men chuckling at Emma’s scowl when she attempts to hide the property card. Ok, so maybe she does like to always buy Boardwalk.

David gets sent to jail a ridiculously high amount of times, much to the others’ delight.

“Oh Dave, what would the Police Captain say?”

“Shut it.”

#

When Emma gets fined for ‘Drunk in Charge’ she expects to receive her own brand of ridicule. However, Killian just once again goes deathly quiet as that darkness returns to his eyes.

“I think it’s about time for a snack, don’t you?” David nods towards the kitchen for Emma to follow him. She’s glad to do so, because she’s never been very good around sad people. This man is clearly going through some stuff and that honestly makes her feel uncomfortable. Not that it’s his fault. It’s just there’s always the possibility that he’ll tell her what’s going on with him, and therefore expect her to share some part of herself with him in return. Her throat begins to constrict at the thought. “Emma?”

“Huh?” Emma blinks a few times to re-focus herself on the present.

“I asked you what you felt like eating…” David turned to his sister from where he was rooting through the cupboards. “You ok?”

“Fine.” Emma gives David the biggest smile she can muster in current circumstances. David gives a ‘who do you think you’re kidding’ look, but doesn’t push her any further on it. Her brother knows her well enough to know that one heart-to-heart is the limit for this evening.

“What about some popcorn?” David returns to the cupboards where he spots the microwavable packets of corn kernels.

“Depends, have you any Milkduds?” Emma knows it’s a long shot, her brother does not have the sweet tooth that she does.

“No, because I’m an adult.” David rolls his eyes, and Emma pokes him in the ribs. “Hey!”

“Don’t you like have a sugar supply for when I come over?” Emma stands on her tiptoes in an attempt to see over her brother’s shoulder.

“We used to.” David’s look is so open that Emma has to avert her gaze. Great. She’s been away for so long that they stopped expecting to see her. “Might have some Pop-Tarts left over, if they’re still in date.”

“Pop-Tarts don’t go out of date.” Emma snorts as she goes to the guest bedroom, where a welcome basket was always kept in check by Mary Margaret. Sure enough, at the right bottom underneath toiletries and cereal bars, were two boxes of Pop Tarts. She hoorayed in relief, rushing back out into the main area to shove the box in her brother’s healthy-eating balanced-diet-advocate face. She stopped in her tracks at sight of the two men in the living room. Killian was sat on the couch, head bent forward, and David was crouched down in front of him with a consoling hand on his friend’s neck. Not wanting to intrude, Emma silently went into the kitchen to begin warming up the Pop Tarts. Once they’d all been toasted, she peeked her head into the front room. The men were in quiet conversation. She went to sneak back into the kitchen when David clocked her eye.

“Looks like my sister has found us some disgustingly sweet treats which will rot our teeth.” David gestured her forward with the plate of PopTarts, and Killian turned towards her.

“Pop Tarts? Really, love?” Killian grinned despite his red eyes. The man was hurting, and Emma felt like a coward for running away. For wishing she had run further so that she wasn’t here now.

“What? They’re so tasty!” Emma put the plate on the coffee table and picked up a snack, proving her point as she moaned around the sweetness.

“Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to try one.” Killian regarded the plate like one may regard an animal when they didn’t yet know if it was friendly or deadly.

“Wait, hold up!” Emma talked around her mouthful, staring at the man in front of her. “You have had a PopTart before, right?”

“I must admit I have yet to partake on this culinary journey, love.” Killian chuckled at Emma’s expression, which was little less than aghast. “You see, my brother was a bit of a stickler for healthy eating so it was always ‘eat your greens’ and if we were to snack it would be on an apple.”

“Hmm, an overly health conscious brother. Why does that sound familiar?” Emma looked to David who was happily snacking on a cereal bar. “Have our brothers ever met?” Killian shook his head slowly as he concentrated on the PopTart in his hand. “Oh good, well let’s make sure it doesn’t happen, otherwise it will probably be all carrot sticks and coconut water.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that…” Killian put the PopTart down in favour of taking a gulp of his rum. Emma froze at his tone of voice. She knew what he was about to say before he said it. “My brother passed away six years ago.”

Fuck. Emma wanted to rewind time, to have not mentioned this guy’s dead brother so flippantly or to have stayed in the kitchen to allow him time to properly secure his mask. Hell, she was starting to regret coming here in the first place.

She didn’t know what to say. It was clear he wasn’t going to speak first. Even David seemed at a loss of how to break the atmosphere that she had caused with her foot-in-mouth tendency.

The ringing of David’s phone made all three of them jump.

“It’s Mary-Margaret.” David answered the facetime call, the awkwardness from before forgotten as everyone prayed that she was alright.

“David, are you alright?” Mary-Margaret’s tired face came onto the screen.

“Yes, yes, we’re fine. Playing boardgames as usual.” David assured his wife. “What about you, are you ok? Has anything happened there?”

“I’m fine, nothing’s happened that I know of, but I’m on the children’s ward so I’m as safe as I could be.”

“That’s good to hear.” David felt some of the tension leave his body. They had been hoping for a posting on the children’s ward ever since her name had been picked. No Purge activity ever happened on the children’s ward.

“My Lead Staff Nurse posted me here, because of the pregnancy…”

“Because of the what?!” Emma shouted from off camera, charging forward to sit on the arm of her brother’s chair.

“Emma! What are you doing there?” Mary-Margaret’s face lit up at seeing her sister-in-law after so long.

“No, don’t be coy and change the subject, it doesn’t suit you Mar.” Emma pointed her finger at the nurse through the phone screen. “You’re pregnant?”

“Yes, we are.” David grinned widely at being able to finally share the news with his sister.

“That’s amazing, I’m so happy for you Mar.” Emma wished they were together now so that she could give her a congratulatory hug.

“Hey, what about me? Father-to-be over here.” David pouted up at the blonde sat next to him.

“You didn’t tell me!” Emma smacks her hand against the back of her brother’s head.

“Emma, in his defence he did try, you haven’t exactly been answering your phone recently.” Mary-Margaret slipped into her mother-hen mode.

“Oh…” Emma hadn’t exactly had a phone to answer recently, that’s what happened when you didn’t have the money to pay your phone bill.

“Is everything ok with you, Emma?”

“Everything’s fine.” That time Emma didn’t even sound convincing to her own ears. “Maybe when you guys have an actual kid of your own you’ll stop trying to parent me.”

“Not gonna happen.” David chuckled, earning him another smack on the head. “Right, I’m going to move before I get concussion.” He stood and carried his phone into his bedroom, clearly seeking out a bit of privacy with his wife.

That left Emma and Killian in the living room. Alone. Great.

“That’s exciting news about the baby, I bet.” Killian spoke after a few tense moments, and Emma realised that he was definitely a better person than she. It was her fault it was tense, it was his brother who was dead, therefore it should have been her job to move the conversation forward. However, Emma was nothing if not a coward when it came to things like this. Something about Killian had her wishing she wasn’t.

“Yeah, they’ll be great parents.” Emma sat down in the armchair her brother had vacated, leaving Killian on the couch by himself. It felt safer that way. “You don’t seem surprised by the news?”

“Well, truthfully, that is because I have known for a few weeks now.” Killian scratched behind his ear with his prosthetic, in what Emma had surmised was an unconscious nervous tick. It was as if he expected her to be angry, that he knew about the pregnancy before she did. But she wasn’t. Any negative feelings she had over the situation lay solely on her shoulders.

“I’m happy he could tell someone.” Emma sipped at her rum, definitely starting to feel some kind of affect from it now. “I’ve kind of…been off the grid recently, I guess.”

“How come?” Killian whispered before snapping his eyes up to hers, clearly not having thought about the question before asking it. “I…Forgive me, lass, you are under no obligation to tell me anything.” He was right, she was under no obligation to tell him anything. However he’d been to some pretty dark places tonight, some of it being her fault, so she guessed it was only fair that she answer his simple question.

“I’ve had some money problems recently. I lost my job, my apartment and had to choose paying for food over my phone bill.” Emma spoke quickly, not looking at his face for his reaction. She didn’t take kindly to pity.

“I see.” Killian’s words did not come from a place of pity, however, they seemed to come from a place of understanding. That assurance got her to lift her head to meet his eyes. “If I may be so bold, though, your brother and his wife are most likely the kindest people I’ve ever met. Surely they would never begrudge you coming to them for assistance.”

“Old habits.” Emma mutters, bringing her knees up to hug them against her chest. Despite being fostered – and later adopted – by David’s mother when she was 13 years old, Emma still had a lot of her survival traits from when she was alone and unloved. It didn’t help that she had run away at 16 with the supposed love of her life, only to end up pregnant in prison.

“Understandable.” Killian sighs, cracking the knuckles of his right hand against his thigh. “Some advice though, from a lost boy to a lost girl, don’t leave it till it’s too late. You never know when something might happen to take away those in your life, making you truly alone.”

“I’m sorry…” Emma hadn’t been planning to say sorry, she knew how irritating it was when people apologised for shit that had happened to you which had nothing to do with them. Killian raised an eyebrow, as if he was thinking the exact same thing. “For what I said earlier. I was careless and insensitive, which if you knew me better you would know to expect.”

“It’s alright, lass, you didn’t know. I specifically asked your brother not to tell you.”

“How did you meet? You and my brother, you never did say.” Emma tried not to look too curious, but she knew there was a story here. Killian read her anyway, if his smirk was anything to go by.

“Ah, yes, well that is a tale.” Killian laughs and Emma notices the tips of his ears going red. “We met three years ago – almost to the day – that’s not when we became friends though. You see I was a bit of a nuisance, getting myself into trouble, mostly just drunk and disorderly behaviour. One night, the night before the Purge to be exact, I got pissed off my arse and got involved in a bar fight. Who came to break it up, why your brother of course. And let me tell you, he was not impressed with my conduct from what I can remember…which to be honest isn’t much.”

“I can imagine.” Emma rolls her eyes. David had collected her from a few out of control drinking sessions of her own over the years. She would never get over the look of disappointment on his face, or the lecture that she had to endure when hungover the next day.

“He locked me up for 48 hours, I mean I couldn’t afford a lawyer to argue that the officer was just being an arsehole.” Killian winked at Emma as she snorted at his choice of words. “Although, looking back, I think he was just trying to keep me contained during the Purge.”

“You said that wasn’t how you became friends though?” Emma mused, sloshing the rum around her tumbler.

“It wasn’t. Trust me. I think your brother was happy in the knowledge that he’d seen the back of me upon my release.” Killian took another sip of his rum. Emma narrowed her eyes, there were obviously parts of this story which Killian was missing out. She wouldn’t call him on it though. Emma was not a hypocrite. “It was actually his lovely wife, your sister-in-law, who set us on the path to our friendship now. She asked me round for dinner, I didn’t know that her husband was the Sheriff when I accepted, so we both got quite the shock when he came through the door to find me setting the table I can tell you.”

“I bet his face was priceless.” Emma chuckled along with Killian, knowing her sister-in-law’s tendency to pick up strays. “So how did you meet Mar?” The man’s chuckling stopped at that question, and Emma knew she’d done it again. Curse her foot-in-mouth syndrome. Don’t you think if he’d wanted you to know he’d have mentioned it.

“At work.” The way Killian avoided her eyes let Emma know it was at the hospital. What he was doing there, however, was none of her business.

“And what do you do as work, Jones?” Emma thought it was worth one last time to save this seemingly ill-fated communication.

“Why, Swan, I am but a humble barkeep.” The speed with which this guy’s mask went back on was giving Emma whiplash.

“Figures.” Even for only knowing him a couple of hours, a bartender seemed like the perfect job for him.

“And how’s that?” Killian didn’t seem annoyed, more amused by her reaction.

“What with the dark clothes, intentional scruff, broodiness, not to mention the flirting…” Emma trailed off, she had not meant to say out loud.

“Believe me, Emma, you would know if I was flirting with you.” The man’s voice dropped an insane level of octaves.

“Who’s flirting with who, now?” David’s voice cut in before Emma could respond, with what she wasn’t sure. It was then she noticed how close her and Killian had become, both of them subconsciously leaning towards the other. The blonde jumped back putting some much needed distant between them.

“What? No-one.” Emma glared at Killian who seemed to be enjoying her flustered state a little too much. “We were just talking about Killian’s job.”

“Ah.” David did not seem wholly convinced.

“In fact I was about to offer that Emma here come down for an interview at the bar, seeing as she is currently in between jobs.” Killian seemed sincere in his offer when he looked at her, however they had drank a lot of rum.

“Umm, I don’t….I mean – thanks – but…” Emma was pretty sure this was the most uncomfortable she had felt all night.

“Come on, Emma, I think it’s a good idea.” David joined them back in the front room after getting himself a re-fill of scotch.

“If we manage to survive the night, of course.” Killian winked at Emma as his comment made her brother groan.

“None of that morbid talk, thank you, I get enough of it from Emma.” David shook his head disapprovingly, making the other two feeling like naughty children.

“It’s not morbid, it’s realistic.” Emma and Killian spoke at the same time to argue David’s claims. Killian’s eyes shone with amusement when their eyes met. Emma had to suppress a shiver.

The rest of the night continued like that with drinking, board games and David being ganged up on by his sister and his best mate. They all passed out at various times in front of the TV, although Emma was certain that Killian barely kept his eyes closed longer than a minute.

#

A few days later, Emma agreed to go for a drink with her brother and sister-in-law to properly celebrate the news of the pregnancy. That’s what they said anyway. She should have known there was a hidden agenda.

“Swan, you made it!” The bartender called out before hopping himself over the bar in a move which only belonged in cheesy music videos.

“Seriously?” Emma turned to her brother who was helping his wife up onto a bar stool.

“Come on, Emma, what harm could it do?” David threw his arm around his sister’s shoulders, chuckling at the pout she gave him.

“I didn’t think you were actually going to fall for it.” Mary-Margaret’s face was the perfect face of innocence, not counting the twinkle in her eye. And if Emma knew her sister-in-law, which she did, Mary-Margaret was probably the formulator of this plan.

“In my defence I didn’t know that they were planning on blindsiding you, love.” Killian scratched behind his ear nervously.

“We just thought that, seeing as you’re staying with us for the time being that you’ll need a job close to the apartment and with Killian’s bar just down the road…” David shrugged his shoulders and gave Emma one of his way-too-open looks. We’re trying to give you more roots so that you might actually stay. Emma heard the unspoken meaning loud and clear. And maybe it was that paired with her sister-in-law’s downright hopeful expression, as well as emotions still being raw after the recent Purge, which halted Emma’s usual flight response.

“Fine, I’ll agree to one trial shift.” Emma turned back to face Killian with her hand outstretched.

“Oh you will, will you?” Killian grinned, taking the blonde’s hand and resisting the urge to lay a kiss to her knuckles. He didn’t want to test her resolve.

“Well seeing as we’re here I might as well get paid for it.” Emma pulled her up into a ponytail before copying Killian’s earlier move of hopping over the bar, only this time to land on the workers’ side.

“Um, we don’t usually pay for trial shifts lass, what with us not having your credit information yet.” Killian tried to hide how much the blonde had thrown him off-kilter, he had half been expecting her to storm out of the bar once she discovered the rouse. He had definitely not expected her to get on board with the plan, mimicking his own manoeuvre no less.

“No problem,” Emma began to pour a pint for her brother, not looking over at her new colleague until she had placed the beer on the bar. “I’m happy to take cash.”

Killian snorted before proceeding to join his potential new employee behind the bar. He already knew that a trial day was simply a formality, that Emma would be a force to be reckoned with and he couldn’t wait to see where this went.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot can happen in a year.

Emma had never spent a Purge Night in an actual bar before, and found it made a lot of sense considering how much alcohol she consumed during one. Obviously this had never really been feasible before now, as all businesses shut for this event.

It may not be smart, her spending the night alone in a building which all knew was filled with liquor on a night where breaking into said building to take said liquor was completely legal. But she had no options left, yet again. A year which had started off with such promise, a new job for herself and her brother with a baby on the way, had turned out to be one of her worst. Luckily being the realist – _pessimist_ – that she was, Emma knew that things couldn’t keep going her way for long and therefore hadn’t been surprised when they had stopped. _You ran before you could be proved wrong_ spoke the voice in her head that had remarkably changed recently to have a British accent. Emma shook her head to rid the voice and the blue eyes that accompanied it from her mind.

Emma was slouched on the floor behind the bar, various bottles of spirits arranged in front of her, trying to ignore the sounds from the streets. She had linked the chain across the outside of all the doors and barricaded the chairs and tables up to all the entrances but one – the staff entrance hidden round the back alley remained simply locked by key, in case she needed to make a quick getaway. _Never hide out somewhere without having a way out_. It was a useful tip, and Emma fought hard not to think about the face from long ago who had taught her this along with other spools of wisdom for life as a runaway.

She’d thought about putting music on but didn’t want anyone to know that the building wasn’t as deserted as it seemed. The tangled headphones in her pocket would prevent others from hearing her music but would also prevent her from being alerted to any intruders, so silence was the only answer. Also that would mean her using her phone and that was an act which she stubbornly avoided these days. The device remained turned off on the floor beside her.

And what better way to fast track this night than alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

…

A slamming door startled Emma awake, causing her to hit her head against the bar she had been leaning against. When had she fallen asleep? That question was quickly dismissed in favour of a more pressing and serious one. Who had just entered the building?

Emma pushed herself to standing, now regretting the amount of liquor she had consumed as her current grogginess would not help her to fend off this threat. She did a quick scan of the doors and saw that her make-shift barricades were still intact. Emma was about to reason that it had been a noise from outside which had pulled her from her slumber, before she heard footsteps approaching from the back rooms. Emma picked up an empty bottle, breaking it on the bar so that she held a jagged piece of glass in her hand for a weapon. She then stood in wait for the intruder to pass through the entrance to this side of the bar, listening to their breathing to analyse the best time to strike. They were nearly upon her, only a few more steps and…

“Bloody hell.” The British accent which Emma had not heard for months – apart from when donning the voice in her head – caused her to gasp. The footsteps came to an abrupt halt. “Who’s here?” Emma stayed frozen, having somehow not thought of this as a possibility. “Look I am not going to hurt you, but this does happen to be my establishment so I believe I do have a right to know who has been drinking my liquor.” He could clearly see the bottles lying haphazardly on the floor. “I do happen to be best mates with a cop and, although he cannot make any arrests this night, I’m sure he will happily come to my aid if I requested it.”

“Don’t!” Emma could only think of one thing that would make this any worse, and that would be her brother showing up.

“Swan…?” Killian choked out, tripping over his feet and a few glass bottles as he entered the space behind the bar. His blue eyes widened as they met her green ones, causing Emma to quickly avert her gaze down to his shoes. “It’s really you.” Killian moved towards her and Emma stumbled backwards, needing to keep some space between them. Even without looking in his eyes she could tell she had hurt him. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” Emma knew that wasn’t fair, seeing as he owned the place and she had been MIA.

“As I previously stated, I own this establishment or have you forgotten that?” Killian bit out, clearly frustrated with her question avoidance. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Needed a drink.” Emma shrugged in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Very drole, Swan, but I am sure you are aware that that is not what I was referring to.” He sounded angry, angrier than Emma had heard him in the months she had spent being his employee. Being his friend.

“Well there is a Purge going on out there, or have you forgotten that?” Emma crossed her arms, clenching her fists as she used his own snark back at him. She let out a gasp, dropping the shard of glass which she had kept hold of and what had now caused a cut across her hand.

Killian tutted reaching for the bottle of rum she had partaken in and placing it on the bar top. He then reached for her hand, tutting once more as she pulled away. “Your hand, it’s cut, let me help you.”

“No, it’s fine.” Emma held her hand away from him, wincing as she spotted trickles of blood forming.

“No, it’s not.” Killian took her hand with a sort of forceful gentleness, resting it on his prosthetic to inspect the wound.

“So now you’re gonna be a gentleman?” Emma swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“I’m always a gentleman.” Killian’s voice was sad, where Emma was expecting his usual bravado. She didn’t think any more on the reason for this, however, as the rum was poured onto the cut causing Emma to gasp in pain. “A bloody waste of rum.” Killian grumbled as he retrieved a clean cloth and began to wrap her injured hand with it. Emma fought to keep her breathing under control, lying to herself that it was down to her stinging hand rather than the man tending to her. He then did an obscene move at tying off the cloth using his teeth, and Emma was lucky that she didn’t audibly moan. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing to her, holding her eye contact the entire time. “You’re welcome.” He added once he let her hand drop, apparently pleased with his first aid skills.

“I don’t remember asking for your help.” Emma bit back, slumping back down against the bar.

“Of course you didn’t, cause when would the great Emma Swan ever ask for help.” Killian waved his arm dramatically towards her.

They stayed in uncomfortable silence for what seemed like hours, Emma on the sticky bar floor and Killian on his feet leaning against the bar. It had never been this awkward between them, apart from perhaps the night that they met. Both situations had been Emma’s fault, and she was positive that Killian wouldn’t be giving her the outs he did last time.

“So…” Emma started at his voice and once again hit her head against the bar. Great once again he was proving to be the better person. Before Killian could say anything else, Emma decided to take some control back of the night.

“I thought you’d be spending the night with David.”

“Ah, well, I was actually until I found myself very much in need of a few libations.” Killian reached down to swipe up a bottle of whiskey, taking a large gulp as if to prove his statement.

“What, did you drink them dry already? Impressive.” Emma tried to discern if Killian appeared at all drunk, but to her he seemed relatively sober. Although she figured it would be easy for anyone to appear sober next to her right now.

“Alas they were already, as you put it, ‘dry’ upon my arrival. Seems the lady of the house has enforced some sort of prohibition for a few months now.” Killian stared at Emma pointedly.

“Oh…” Emma simultaneously felt the urge to consume all of the liquor in front of her and to never drink again. She scrubbed her hands across her face to remove the tears that had decided to suddenly wet her cheeks. However, her efforts were in vain, as more simply replaced them.

“Lass, look…I…oh bloody hell…” Killian dropped to the floor next to her, feeling guilty for bringing up these memories in her. Lord knows he wasn’t judging her. “Please accept my apologies, Swan, I-“

“You don’t need to apologise…If anyone needs to it’s me…” Emma sniffled, trying to get control of herself which was improving difficult when all her drunk-self wanted was to bury into his arms until the world stopped spinning so quickly.

“Look, I don’t really know what happened that day and why it affected you so, but your family has been worried for you.” Killian reached out and took her uninjured hand in his. “We all have been.”

“You don’t have to worry about me…” Emma mumbled, not pulling her hand from his and rather taking the comfort he was offering.

“Aye, well, sadly we can’t chose who worries about us in this world.” Killian’s voice was so open with emotion, much like David’s had a tendency to be when speaking to her. Her dear brother who she missed so badly and who had the unluck in life to love her.

_The Nolan’s new house was covered in pink and blue decorations – balloons, bunting, streamers. Every single food item was also designed to fit the colour code that had been well established on the invites which were sent out some weeks prior. Emma had rolled her eyes upon receiving the invitations, not because of the party itself – anyone who knew Mary-Margaret would know she would be having a gender reveal party – but because it stated all guests must wear at least one item of either colour as their guess at the gender. As if anyone could know this besides the ultrasound technician._

_Emma had softened somewhat to the idea, mostly seeing how excited her brother was to learn the baby’s gender. So here she stood, helping to hang confetti filled balloons from tree branches and lines of string strung between them._

_“Swan, nice to see you getting into the spirit of things.” Killian strolled into the garden, holding his own box of balloons to add to her display._

_“If you can’t beat them…”Emma shrugged, tying off a balloon and turning towards her friend. It was then that she took in his outfit and nearly tripped over her own feet. “What the hell are you wearing?”_

_“Ah this, I look rather dashing don’t you think?” Killian placed the box on the ground so he could do a dramatic sweeping motion over his bright pink suit with white shirt underneath._

_“You look ridiculous.” Emma scoffed, quickly drawing her eyes away from the chest hair poking out of the unbuttoned portion of his shirt._

_“At least I am adhering to the events colour-schemed dress code.” Killian waved a hand to gesture at Emma’s black dress. Not that he was complaining. On the contrary he was enjoying the way the bottom of the dress swished around her mid-thigh. “Pray tell, what gender are you hinting for the babe to be?”_

_“You’re not looking close enough.” Emma held her hand out towards him, showing off the pink nail polish she was donning._

_“Ah, well, seems we are on the same team.” Killian winked before taking her outstretched hand in his and laying a kiss to each of her knuckles. Emma’s breath caught in her throat, still unable to handle how quickly he managed to flip exchanges from banter to affection. Wait…affection? Emma surprised herself by not pulling her hand away at that thought._

_“It does seem that way.” Emma smirked as Killian’s eyes widened slightly at her tone, not in the least bit sarcastic. “What is it you’re always saying, that we make quite the team?”_

_“That we do, Emma.” Killian straightened up but didn’t let her hand drop, therefore bringing her a few steps closer to him. Emma was almost too busy revelling in the atmosphere they’d created to notice his use of her first name. Killian rarely used her first name, even at work, unless it was for something serious. Emma didn’t know what else to say, or if anything else needed to be said. All she could think about was how his lips had felt against her skin. She wasn’t sure who leaned in first but suddenly there was very little air between them…_

_The sudden sound of commotion caused them to spring apart, casting their eyes towards the back door to the house where the couple of honour stood._

_“Sorry, we just…didn’t want to interrupt.” Mary-Margaret gushed as she lay her hand on her husband’s arm, probably in an attempt to calm him. David was glaring daggers at his best mate._

_“You weren’t interrupting anything.” Emma answered far too defensively, stepping even further away from the man she had NOT been about to kiss._

_“Aye, mate,” Killian scratched behind his ear, the blush in his cheeks matching the colour of his suit. “We were just commenting on how we are Team Pink.”_

_David grunted and crossed his arms, clearly forgetting he was holding onto a balloon which he had been planning to string up and was now whizzing down the garden._

_“Oh, David, the confetti will come out!” Mary-Margert gasped, clasping her hands over her eyes to not ruin the surprise._

_“I’ll get it.” The father-to-be was more concerned with not spoiling this day for his wife than fixating on the scene they had just walked in on._

_“Nonsense, mate, no need to ruin the surprise for yourself. I’ll retrieve the balloon and any coloured confetti I find.” Killian took off to where the balloon had come to a stop._

_“Why don’t you two go inside? I’ll make sure he gets it all.” Emma ushered her brother and sister-in-law back through the back door._

_“I think he’s more than capable…” David grumbled, then trailed off at a look from his wife. “What? I just think it would be nice for Emma to find out with us like we planned it.”_

_“Sure.” Mary-Margret said in a way which clearly meant she wasn’t buying her husband’s excuse. The mother-to-be was looking forward to having Emma share in the gender reveal as well, but she wouldn’t stand in the way of whatever was brewing between the pair in the garden._

_“Successful?” Emma walked back out to where Killian was jamming handfuls of confetti into his trouser pockets._

_“In cleaning up the confetti and keeping the answer from the soon-to-be-parents and their guest, yes. In guessing the gender of the baby, unfortunately not.” Killian sighed as he opened his palm to reveal a scrunched bundle of confetti. Blue confetti._

_“Wait…so this means…” Emma managed to croak out from her suddenly dry mouth._

_“It’s a boy, Emma.”_

_Emma was thrust back to a time many years ago, handcuffed to a hospital bed with faulty lighting surrounded by strangers. The pain, the fear, the guilt. And then the doctor saying those exact words: It’s a boy, Emma._

_She didn’t remember how she left Killian in the garden, thinks she made some excuse about needing the bathroom. Which was where she currently was, so it wasn’t exactly a lie. The bottle of whiskey in her hand…well she wasn’t entirely sure how she came to be in possession of that either._

_A boy. In a couple of months there was going to be a baby boy in their lives, in her life, forever._

_How had she not thought of the possibility that it could be a boy? Her wearing pink nail polish hadn’t been a guess in her eyes, in had been a certainty. How the hell had she managed to fool herself into that way of thinking?_

_Emma scrambled through the bathroom cabinets, quickly finding nail polish remover and cotton buds. She scrubbed hard, removing all trace of colour from her outfit. Her eyes caught Mar’s nail polish collection, spotting a blue instantly. She thought about it, using this to change her ‘guess’, but she just couldn’t._

_She wasn’t sure how long she stayed in the bathroom, sloshing whiskey down her throat and trying to push the memories of the worst time of her life back where they belonged. All she knew was that the bottle had definitely had a sizeable amount of liquor in it and was now empty._

_There was a knock on the door. Emma hurriedly stashed the whiskey bottle under the sink to be dealt with later, dabbed a tissue over her face in an attempt to preserve what make-up she had left and exited the bathroom. Luckily the waiting party-goer was no-one Emma knew so she didn’t receive any questions or concerned glances. At least not from this woman._

_As Emma made her way through the house, it was clear that many guests had since arrived. She guessed this was lucky for her, as surely her brother and sister-in-law would be too busy being hosts to worry about her. With that thought Emma headed to the kitchen for a beer before making her way out to the garden. Big mistake. She had forgotten about the one other person who had taken it on to worry about her, and who wasn’t distracted by hosting duties._

_“There you are, Swan, I thought you’d fallen down the toilet.” Killian smirked as he spotted her across the garden. But the smirk soon fell from his face when he took in her staggering walk. The man quickly took her arm and steered her to the side of the house, away from the gathering. “Have you been drinking?”_

_“Duh, it’s a party.” Emma held up the beer in her hand, waving it in front of his face before taking a gulp._

_“Emma, you reek of whiskey.” Killian took the beer from her hand, dropping it to the ground so that liquid poured onto the grass._

_“Hey!” Emma shouted indignantly, pushing his arm as he tried to take hers once more._

_“What’s wrong, lass?” Killian implored her to talk to him._

_“Nothing.” Emma spat out, trying to get round him and back to the party._

_“You say that, Swan, but I’m actually quite perceptive and I’ve gotten to know you rather well over the past few months.” Killian rubbed his hand down his face in frustration. “Look, clearly finding out that you’re going to have a nephew has upset you. I’m just trying to help.”_

_“Well, don’t. I don’t need your help, will you just back off.” Emma pushed past him, needing to get some air even though they were already outside._

_“Swan, wait.” Killian grabbed at her arm, knowing that once she was sober she would wish she had taken time to compose herself._

_“Why? So can tell me more bullshit about how well you know me?” Emma turned on him, not registering that they were now in the main section of the garden again. “You clearly don’t because if you did you’d know why I didn’t want to come to this party in the first place!”_

_“Emma…” Killian tried to stop her, clocking that her sister-in-law was standing close by watching the interaction._

_“Oh, go ahead, seeing as I’m such an open book please tell me why finding out it’s a boy has upset me so!” Emma heard a gasp from behind her and quickly spun around to see her sister-in-law staring with tears in her eyes. “I…I didn’t…” But what could she say? She had ruined it like she ruined everything. One of the happiest days of the lives of the two people she cared for more than anything. So Emma did what she did best, Emma ran. And this time no-one went after her. Not that she blamed them._

“Lass, I apologise, I didn’t mean to take you back to that day.” Killian looked so self-deprecating, as if any pain or guilt she was feeling right now was his fault. Emma couldn’t stand it.

“I had a baby.” Emma mumbled out, not really deciding to tell him but needing to say it out loud. To absolve him.

“What?” Killian blinked at her. Of all the things he was expecting her to say, that wasn’t one of them.

“When I was 16, I was seeing an older guy. David didn’t approve, neither did Ruth honestly. Anyway I ran away with him and got knocked up. I never even held him.” Emma choked out that last bit, it was her biggest regret. But she knew now, as she had done then, if she had held him then she might have kept him. And that wouldn’t have been best for anyone.

“Emma, I’m so sorry.” Killian gently rested his arm across her shoulders, monitoring her reaction. She leaned into his side and he tightened his arm slightly. “Dave never mentioned…”

“He doesn’t know. No-one knows. Only Ruth knew because the insurance company sent her the bill.” Emma sniffled, remembering how she had begged the doctors and prison officers not to contact her adoptive mother but there hadn’t been any other way. She had had no money to her name and Neal was long gone by then. “Please, don’t tell him.” Emma sat up quickly, anxiously looking him in the eyes.

“Emma, I would never as it is not my story to tell.” Killian clasped her cheeks in his hands. “However, I do think you should tell your family. They’ll be there for you.”

“Maybe, some day.” Emma whispered but she was sure that day would never come. It had been too long and she had hurt her brother enough already. She knew he blamed himself for not keeping her away from Neal, but there wasn’t anything else he could have done. This would just make his misplaced guilt even worse.

They stayed in that position, with Emma resting heavily against Killian’s side until the alcohol and emotion finally caught up with her once more and she fell asleep.

#

Emma’s head was pounding and her eyes were protesting against the light coming from behind her eyelids. She snuggled deeper into bed, burying her face into the flowery scented pillows which were the staple in a Nolan’s guest room. At that realisation she snapped her eyes open, groaning at lightness of the room caused by cream walls and white furniture. The night before came back to her in flashes. Breaking in – with a key but still – to Killian’s bar. Killian finding her. Liquor and emotions shared. _“I had a baby.”_ Fuck. She’d told him. Everything. What was it about those blue eyes and British accent that just made her want to bare her soul?

Killian had obviously waited for her to fall asleep and then called her brother, even though she’d asked him not to. And if he’d done that, then she was sure his promise to keep her secret was also false. Didn’t he realise the reason she had never told her brother was to protect him?

Emma stumbled out of bed, noting that she was wearing sweats and wondered who had changed her out of her clothes. Throwing on one of her brother’s hoodies, which was laying on the back of a chair and probably had been placed there by the owner for her, Emma decided to face the music.

The three of them were sat around the table, speaking in hushed voices. Emma suspected it was about her.

“Swan, there you are.” Killian exclaimed upon noticing her presence and the conversation immediately stopped. Yep, they were definitely talking about her.

“Oh, Emma.” Mary-Margaret rushed to pull her sister-in-law into a tight hug. “We’ve been so worried about you! Thank goodness you’re home and safe.”

“It’s good to see you, Mar.” Emma squeezed her sister-in-law back just as tightly. They pulled apart and Emma approached the men still in their seats. “David, I…” She still didn’t know what to say. And she didn’t know if Killian had disclosed her past of her brother yet.

“You left again without saying goodbye.” David stood slowly, rounding the table to where his sister stood. “Do you have any idea what we’ve been through?”

“I know, I-“ Emma stuttered feeling much younger than her age.

“No, you don’t know. Especially not knowing if you were safe last night, if you had anywhere to stay for the goddam Purge. I…we…” David breathed out, struggling to find the right words. Then the lecture didn’t seem to matter, as his wife had said, his little sister was home and safe. He took her into his arms, cupping the back of her head with one hand. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Emma returned, surprised by just how much she meant. She’d been away for longer stretches than this before, it had only been a few months. However she had yearned for their home more than she ever had. Emma was not ready to look into why that was.

“I was just filling Dave in on how I found you asleep on the floor of my bar, like a real life fairytale.” Killian tilted his head pointedly, giving meaning to his statement. He hadn’t told David about their conversation at all. For all her brother and sister-in-law knew, there was no interaction between the two of them.

“Yeh, I bet I was a real Sleeping Beauty.” Emma laughed as she stepped away to pour herself some coffee. And to subtly wipe her eyes.

“Or Snow White, waiting for your prince to find you and wake you up.” Mary-Margaret hinted as she smiled sweetly at Killian.

“Alright, enough of that.” David groaned at his wife, taking a sip of his own coffee. “She’s only been back five minutes, Mary-Margaret, and you’re already trying to set her up.”

“Just because she’s trying, doesn’t mean she’ll succeed.” Emma sat down at the table with her coffee, feeling warmth flood her at how natural this was. The four of them had had many chats like this before she left, and she had worried that that had been lost. She should have known better. It was like no time had passed and nothing had changed.

The wail of a baby through a monitor on the side reminded Emma that that wasn’t strictly true. Something had changed.

“That’s Leo. It’s about time for his feed.” Mary- Margaret informed Emma, as if she had forgotten that there was now an infant in the house. “Do you want to come meet him?”

“Umm…” Emma didn’t know what it was. Maybe that everyone was staring at her as if expecting her to bolt at any second, or the timid way Mary-Margaret had asked the question. Or maybe she was still feeling the warm glow from being with her family again. Whatever it was, Emma had a sudden urge to meet her little nephew and create a bond with him. “Yes, I would love to.” She brought her coffee with her and followed her sister-in-law upstairs, cheeks tinting at the sighs of relief from all present.

After meeting her nephew, Leo David Nolan, Emma was certain that she would never run again. At least not without saying goodbye. And although it hurt sometimes, to watch a little boy when she knew nothing of her own child, she knew that it had hurt more to be missing this.


End file.
